Permission to stop deciding
The motive I hear most often sounds modest: for once, not having to decide. Many of the men who come to me carry responsibility all day – for a team, a business, a family, for decisions nobody else wants to take. They are used to people waiting on their word. With me nobody waits on their word. I say when they stand, when they kneel, when they may speak.
From outside that looks like a contradiction: the man who directs all day wants to be directed. From inside it follows naturally. Someone who decides constantly longs for a space where the weight rests with somebody else for a while – and for a counterpart strong enough to carry it. I often see the moment it happens quite clearly: the shoulders drop, the voice softens, the eyes stop patrolling the room.
Handing over is not weakness. It is a decision that demands trust, and frequently more courage than anyone watching would guess. Why the mind matters more here than the body I have described in the essay Mental dominance.
Curiosity and fantasies carried for years
Others come not to let go but finally to find something out. Often it is an image that has accompanied them for many years: being restrained, playing a particular role, being sealed in latex or sternly put in their place. They have read about it, watched films, imagined scenes – yet never felt what it is like when a real person takes charge.
What fascinates me is the gap between imagination and reality. Some fantasies are more intense in the room than they ever were in the head. Others lose their hold the moment they have actually happened, and make space for something the guest had never considered. Both are good outcomes, because either is more honest than another year spent with the same picture.
Not every fantasy belongs in the room. Some are lovelier left imagined, some touch one of my taboos, some need more time than a first hour allows. What we turn into reality, in what form and when, I settle with you beforehand – and sometimes the answer is a no that teaches you more about your wish than any yes.
A curious man need not know whether he is submissive. He only has to be willing to find out – at his own pace, but within my frame. How a first appointment is prepared is covered in your first session.
A clear frame instead of secrecy
Many of these wishes live in hiding for a long time: in a browser history, in thoughts shared with nobody, in chats with strangers where it is never clear who sits on the other side. Seeing a dominatrix moves them out of that grey zone and into a defined frame.
For many, that frame is the real reason. With me you know in advance what is excluded and what the appointment costs. You set your limits, we agree a safeword, and I carry the responsibility for both being honoured. You need not perform for anyone, nor explain anything you would rather keep to yourself. Discretion applies to both of us.
Some do not bring the wish alone. I receive couples only at the joint wish of both partners; each of them says yes personally, is 18 or over and has a safeword of their own. What such sessions look like is described under couples.
Who comes to me
There is no typical client. Men come to me at every stage of life, beginners and those with long experience, people who live in Munich and travellers who fit an appointment between two business meetings and come to the studio from their hotel. You choose the language: I lead in English or in German, whichever lets you let go more easily.
Recurring patterns exist all the same:
- The decision-maker, who wants one hour in which nobody asks him anything.
- The curious one, who wants to test an old image against reality.
- The experienced one, who knows what he is after and expects a lead that can match him.
- The returning one, for whom our meetings have become a fixed ritual – sometimes reaching beyond single appointments into longer guidance, as I describe in the essay 24/7 devotion.
What unites them is less a particular preference than an attitude: they want something genuine and are prepared to keep to rules for it. Whoever only wants to provoke, haggle or test limits is missing from this list, because he does not get an appointment with me.
What a session is not
Much is written on this subject that has little to do with my work. So, to finish, a few plain words about what you will not find with me.
- Not a remedy. A session is an experience, not a cure for anything. Anyone in an emotional crisis belongs with a qualified professional, not in my room – and I say so when I notice it.
- No intercourse, no oral sex. What I offer is leadership. Anyone after something else has come to the wrong place.
- Not a relationship. Closeness arises in a session, sometimes a great deal of it. It stays within what we agreed and does not stand in for a partnership.
- Not penance. Punishment, with me, is part of a role play between adults, not a reckoning for real guilt. Whoever wants to make amends for something real will not be rid of it in my room.
- Not a space without rules. Even a man who comes to let go does not leave his limits at the door; I hold them for him.
What a dominatrix does instead, and where her work ends, I set out under what a dominatrix does.